United States Eventing Association

As a parent and a coach I have always tried to instill in my students the attitude that the goal of competing is to do the best job that you and your horse can do and when you do then the winning will come. I often ask people how they did at a competition and they tell me what place they were in and I repeat that I didn’t ask how they placed rather how they did.

Don’t get me wrong, I like winning just as much as the next person but I am a firm believer that winning doesn’t always come in the form of blue ribbons and awards. It’s getting the canter depart in a dressage test as smooth as you did in the warm up, or that the balance and rhythm on cross country finally came together and the ride felt ‘great’, or in stadium you finally start riding forward and balanced rather than riding backwards looking for the perfect distance that will never come because you have shut the engine down in the process. Developing the skills and partnership; those are the important things.

This weekend my son Kevin participated in the Training Level Three Day Event at South Farm with his lovely new partner Tintin. They had a respectable dressage test on Fri followed by a bit of a rough steeplechase school. Kevin is still getting accustomed to a 16.2 TB as compared to a 15.2 hand Appendix QH and getting the ‘feel’ of the power and the balance required as opposed to speed and on the forehand. Good friend and clinician Sue Hines took the time with him to help him to develop the skills and the ‘feel’ that he needed for a good safe ride the next day.

Cross Country day came around and Kevin was able to reproduce the ‘power and balance’ they practiced on Fri. which resulted in a very nice steeplechase ride. The cross country, with a couple exceptions, rode just as they planned in regards to the balance, power and the rhythm and they produced a lovely clean round. He was tickled with the way his horse Tintin responded to his improved riding.

Everyone he saw asked him how it went and he beamed at how wonderful his horse was. They nearly had to drag it out of him that he had moved up to the lead after cross country. Kevin was very hopeful that all would go well on Sunday as they have never had a show jumping penalty in the four events that they have competed in. He walked the course once with me and once with Jeff Taylor and the rest of the T3DE competitors on Saturday night. He had his plan in place, watched nearly all the Prelim competitors and most the T3D riders who rode before him and had a great warm up. I sent him up to the in gate alone so I wouldn’t make him crazy with last minute advice and get the exasperated ‘yes mother’ coming from him. He entered the ring as he has done numerous times before and for the first time in his life he went off course! I was the first person he saw as he left the ring and he smiled and said ‘it’s only a blue ribbon’. Now the gift certificate from Smart Pak… well that would have been used to get some much needed hoof supplement for his horse which he made me promise to get anyway because ‘Tinners is the BEST!’

And Eventers are the BEST! Nearly every competitor in the division, friends, trainers and people we don’t even know came up to him and told him how sorry they were. And then started telling him that they had all done it before and at least it wasn’t Rolex and lost a bunch of money, although there were some pretty nice prizes. They told him that his turn (to the wrong fence) was very nice and the horse jumped it great. He took the good hearted teasing about following the numbers and then politely said that he had to go back and take care of his horse. When he was done untacking and washing his horse the two of them came back to watch friends ride and to thank the organizer Sarah Greer for a nice event and to make sure that a TE was put in for his score as he didn’t want it to be on his horse’s record that they had gotten eliminated in stadium.

When I told Kevin that he needed to apologize to his horse because he didn’t get to enjoy the victory gallop Kevin put it all in perspective when he responded “he’s got grass, he’s happy!”

I’m still disappointed that they didn’t get their win, but I am so very proud that he has learned the lessons of being a good horseman and a good sport! I don’t think he’ll ever make that mistake again.

It is our hope, by sharing this story that it may in some way help others who will undoubtedly face a disappointment when things don’t go quite as planned. As we all know if you’re in this sport long enough it is inevitable.